When was the last time you asked someone for something? And what about the time before that? And can you think to yourself the last time you gave something or proactively offered something to someone before they had to ask?
I’ve been thinking of this article for some time, and had to smile yesterday as I wished my friend, Charlie Riley, a happy birthday and he responded, “Thanks, how’s business by the way, any introductions I can make for you?
On the heels of some #samsales pieces I’ve posted about recently (mostly about the basics of having proper manners in sales) and the over-the-top engagement they’ve received, though mostly sharing negative experiences, it occurred to me that many people may not know that they’re taker/takers in business (or even in their personal lives). Let’s look at some of the prime examples that have happened to me, but also to many I know, and likely you:
- Someone you haven’t heard from in months/years, and don’t have much of a relationship with, texts/emails you out of the blue. “Hey buddy! I need a favor…”
- Someone desperately needs your help (recommendation, referral, advice, introductions, money?) but then has deaf ears when you need something some time later. And then asks for another favor after they’ve declined to help you.
- Someone asks for your time and then doesn’t follow up to book the meeting. Or worse, they do, but they cancel the meeting without telling you why. Or even worse, they book the meeting, but they don’t show. And then they ask to book the time again.
- Someone you briefly met at a conference, a decade ago, introduces you to someone you’ve never met and tells (not asks) you to give them help or advice.
- Someone asks for your help in opening a door for their deal or in one of their accounts. You do so, gladly. And you never hear from the person again.
I know these are familiar to so many of us, but if they sound like things you’ve done, then you might be a taker/taker. Here’s the thing though, if you even commit one of the above, you can course correct. Being a taker/taker is an easy rut to get out of and will even pleasantly surprise the people you’ve faulted in the past. Here’s a breakdown of the above.
- Someone you haven’t heard from in months/years, and don’t have much of a relationship with, texts/emails you out of the blue. “Hey buddy! I need a favor…”
If you need to ask someone you don’t have a good relationship with for a basic favor – let’s say a recommendation on LinkedIn – then you likely have two issues: your work doesn’t merit recommendations from your close circle of colleagues or you don’t maintain relationships well. Both should be addressed. If you’re in this boat, but really need the help from someone you’ve lost touch with, then simply address it and be self-aware. “Hey Sam, I know it’s been years since we’ve spoken and you’ve likely forgotten much of the work we did together, but I could use your help. Realizing I’m asking for a favor out of the blue, but would you consider…”
- Someone desperately needs your help (recommendation, referral, advice, introductions, money?) but then has deaf ears when you need something some time later. And then asks for another favor after they’ve declined to help you.
Be hyper aware of this one. If you really need something of high value from someone, and they follow through, it should be on your radar to not only ask how you can be of help back, but to help somehow when they ask for support. You may not be able to meet their direct ask for help, but find a way to make an introduction for them or connect them with someone who could help them. “Bill, I’d love to help you get in front of more IT leaders, but it’s not my space at all. However, I know a CIO who would likely have some recommendations. Let me ping her and see if she’d be open to chatting!”
- Someone asks for your time and then doesn’t follow up to book the meeting. Or worse, they do, but they cancel the meeting without telling you why. Or even worse, they book the meeting, but they don’t show. And then they ask to book the time again.
I think we’ve all been here and many of us will say that we would be absolutely mortified to be the one who is late or doesn’t show. In fact, this happened to me the first time I met Dave Kennett, CEO of Replayz; I flat out no-showed. It escaped my calendar and he’ll tell you that I spent at least seven sentences apologizing in my email to reschedule and another three minutes being mortified on our first call. Mistakes happen. Own up to them, own them and overcompensate the next time by being early, apologizing once more and being prepared for the meeting.
But, in the case that you didn’t own up to it or address it in the past, now’s a great chance to mend that bridge. “Greg, I realize that we booked time months ago and I had to reschedule, and we never got it back on the calendar. I’m mortified as it’s not how I do business, and apologize for having put time on your calendar without following through. Any chance we could try again?”
- Someone you briefly met at a conference, a decade ago, introduces you to someone you’ve never met and tells (not asks) you to give them help or advice.
No matter the circumstance, my rule of thumb is that permission needs to be granted before two people are introduced. Even if I explicitly trust the person that’s asking for the introduction, the person receiving it simply may not want to be bothered or doesn’t have the bandwidth for it at the moment. Ask first, get permission, then make introductions. Just by doing this small thing, you’ll set yourself in a class by yourself in everyone’s eyes.
- Someone asks for your help in opening a door for their deal or in one of their accounts. You do so, gladly. And you never hear from the person again.
This is standard sales 101 stuff, but it misses more often than not. If you ask someone to make an introduction, and they do, simply send them a thank you first. After the meeting has been held, send the introducer another note. “Sarah, wanted to say thank you again for introducing me to the team at Dropbox. We had our first meeting and they were full of questions on how we could help. We are meeting again in two weeks after their sales kickoff and will demo the technology then. Happy to keep you in the loop if you’d like, but wanted you to know it went well!”
Think through your own actions in business and your personal life, and find a way into the path of being more of a giver than a taker. An easy way to do this is to use my rule – I find one way a week to help someone else. It doesn’t have to be in a large way, but even the micro-assists go a long way into building your reputation and stacking the cards in your favor if ever you need help back.
– Sam